Classifications of Friends

it's only two days and I'm already out of things to do. So I do what I can with my MacBook : rambling.

So here goes :
1. Regular friends, whom you always say hello to but never really stay to chat with. Pleasant people, you care about them but not in an intense way.
2. Close friends, people who see you everyday and know just what type of person you are. Are you the outgoing one, or the quiet one, or the cocky one and so on. But you don't really feel you have a connection with them.
3. Strange-bonded friends, those you had history with. You know everything's over between the two of you but you can't help feeling somewhat responsible for one another. You're happy when they're happy, and you're not afraid to let them go just to find that they can always be there when you need them.
4. Best friends, people who know you inside and out. You're not afraid to be the worst of yourself in front of them because somehow you know they won't mind. They appreciate the differences they encounter while being friends with you. They don't ask questions when they know you're not ready to answer. These are the people you really want to please because you're so grateful they're always around.
5. A soul mate, the other side of you, the Yin to your Yang, the person who knows you best. Who reasons when you're emotional, who taught you how to feel when you're thinking logic. Who's mad when you make a mistake and makes mistakes just to make you mad. Who has nothing in common with you, but is connected to your every move. Your bittersweet relationship. The tears in your laugh and the smile in your pain.



Ps : Sometimes it feels like I'm losing everyone on my list and I couldn't feel more alone.

Seven Things

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
And now we're standing in the rain
but nothing's gonna change until you hear, my dear

the 7 things I hate about you

the 7 things I hate about you
you're vain, your games, you're insecure
you love me, you like her
you make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
your friends, they're jerks
and when you act like them just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
and the 7th thing I hate the most that you do,
you make me love you

and compared to all the great things
that would took too long to write
I probably should mention
the 7 that I like :

the 7 things I like about you
your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
and when we kiss I'm hypnotized
you make laugh, you make me cry
but I guess that's both I'll have to buy
your hand in mine
when we're intertwined everything's alright
I want to be with the one I know

and the 7th thing I like the most that you do :
you make me love you..

--Miley Cyrus

PS : as cheesy as it sounds, it rings true.

I'm Growing A Brain, or rather.. Destroying One.

It's like, "Ya Tuhan, kapan gue bisa tidur dengan tenaaang?!"



PS : si Mac blom bobo juga udah 3 hari, dekil, panas dan lemot. Mungkin hr ini dia bakal gue suruh bobo sebentar. Maafkan aku, putih, aku sedang sangat membutuhkanmu.

Rubik's Cube Philosophy

I never can get why certain people look so hard for the formula of life. Like some kind of equation that can explain or solve problems. The search prevents you from the true purpose you're living : be alive. Make things happen and enjoy every minute of what you have made. Absorb every essence and just feel.

It's like when you're handed a Rubik's cube, what would you rather do; try to figure it out by yourself even though it might take months or look somewhere for the way to do it so you can solve it in a matter of minutes?

Late Night "Epiphany".

I don't wanna be an 'also', I wanna be an 'only'. Why is it so hard for me to say?

Summer Movie Review Pt. II

Night at The Museum 2

I must say I was doubtful before I watched it. I mean right before. Because I caught one of my friends said that it's ... kinda overrated. But well, it was pretty entertaining. The idea of historic people and creatures coming back to life all over again, is breath-taking. It would be a very fun way to learn history, don't you think? I would be honored, for an instant, to meet bobblehead Einsteins and have them explain why I should learn how to count, in tiny noises and.. well, bobbling heads. Ha!
Plus, I got to see Al Capone in black and white. Three cupids that reminded me of The Jonas Brothers. Of course, Amelia Earheart! Exciting!
The film's pretty funny, although the story line might be a little over the top. It was like seeing the comedy version of The Mummy, or a movie titled "The Museum Movie" (as in Scary Movie, or Superhero Movie, and so on), but yeah in a more classy way. The speical effects are not bad. Neat. Ben Stiller's acting still typical Ben Stiller, a little quieter though.
All in all, I can't see why this should be a bad movie. It's light, I don't think anybody should expect too much out of it. I'm kinda curious how it would look in 3D. Must be more exciting.
Hmmm, maybe 3.5 stars out of 5.

PS : I just realized there are a lot of sequels going on this summer. And eugh, no, I don't really wanna see The New Moon. Somehow for me, it's gonna feel like I'm seeing High School Musical 2.

Ewok. Si Gendut Bau Hilang!

Kemarin, kucing gue si Ewok menghilang. Agak panik juga karena terakhir terlihat lagi main di kamar gue. Gue udah nanya semua orang rumah, katanya nggak ada yang ngeliat. Kucing-kucing lain juga udah gue tanya, tapi semua punya alibi. Choco lagi sibuk jilat-jilat pantat di kamar tante gue, Cingki sama Nala bobo di bawah, Chiko bobo di kamar nyokap. Mulai terbayang lah omelan-omelan nyokap gue kalau sampe tu kucing yang buntutnya sepotong sampai hilang beneran. Terbayang kemudian hari-hari penyesalan gue karena gue terlalu sibuk dengan laptop.
Gue inget-inget lagi tadi kayanya Ewok lagi main di jendela sebelum menghilang. Jangan-jangan terjun ke bawah. Gue tengok dari jendela kamar gue, nggak ada tanda-tanda ada kucing terjun. But then again, tanda macam apa yang bisa kelihatan kalo kucingnya udah terjun? Akhirnya gue cari ke luar. Gue panggil-panggil tapi nggak nyaut si Ewok. Setelah gue bersusah payah jongkok-jongkok untuk ngeliat di bawah kolong mobil, muncul dia! Meringkuk deket ban kanan depan dengan meongan kecil, "mauuww" seakan mau bilang "gue di sini goblok!"
Ah kucing gila, berarti bener dia terjun dari jendela kamar gue. Gue aja selama ini mau kabur dari rumah masih mikir-mikir dulu bisa keluar lewat jendela atau nggak, dia lancar amat!
Yang nyebelinnya setelah gue bawa ke dalem, nyokap gue malah nuduh gue yang ngelempar ke luar. Buseng.
"Coba diperiksa kakinya pincang nggak? Kasiaaann jatuhh."
Ewok pasti bangga sekali. Mendengkur dengan keras ketika disayang-sayang nyokap gue tanpa memikirkan gue yang udah merasa sangat bersalah sebelum gue menemukan dia. Sial.

kiri : Ewok si Kucing, Kanan : Ewok yang sebenarnya

beda tipis kan?

Fragments of Fragments of Fragments...

Have you notice how I became less talkative in the last few days?
That my laugh seems to fade by the minute?
That my gaze often seems empty, for I have thousands of things running around my mind barbarically?

It's a habit that always comes when I'm facing something big. Like the final exams (which I'm actually having right now), or when I'm planning a surprise party. When my mind got so caught up, and no, I don't multitask like many people say I do.

Have you notice?
Of course you haven't.
You're high in your own world, walking on a rainbow, floating like a person in love.
Maybe you are.

Is It Wicked Not to Care?

Is it wicked not to care when they say that you're mistaken
Thinking hopes and lots of dreams that aren't there?
Is it wicked not to care when you've wasted many hours
Talking endlessly to anyone that's there?
I know the truth awaits me
But still I hesitate because of fear

Skipping tickets making rhymes
Is that all that you believe in?
Wearing rags to make you pretty by design
Rusting armour for effect
It's not fun to watch the rust grow
For it will all be over when you're dead

Counting acts and clutching thoughts
By the river where the moss grows
Over rocks the water running all the time
Is it wicked when you smile Even though you feel like crying
Even though you could be sick at any time?

But if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till I'm dead

--Belle & Sebastian

hmm.

tau ahh.

Kereta dan VRRM

Hari ini jalan-jalan naik kereta bersama pacar. Ahh, ya terjebak tugas jurfot yang mengharuskan foto transportasi publik Jakarta. Tapi cukup menyenangkan. Si pacar excited karena baru 2 kali naik kereta. Lucunya. Gue juga sih, tapi udah keseringan ngeliat tiap hari jadi rasanya udah sering naik aja. Hahaha. Naik kereta ekspress tuh oke juga lho ternyata. Nggak sumpek, bau, riweh, basah (?) kayak kalo naik kereta Ekonomi. Kayak naik subway di pelem-pelem. Lumayan laah.

I think occasions like these are what I love about my current relationship. We're not afraid to try something new. Eat someplace we've never been, go somewhere even if we don't know how, ride different transportations. It's so much fun! Instead of just going around in a car, eating at some fancy place at the mall, seeing on-sale items we still can't afford to buy.

Yang kayak gini yang bikin hari-hari gue lebih berwarna, lebih gado-gado rasanya (seperti kacang?).

For this, I'm thanking him : Vicky Rangga Restu Moyo. For the colours you bring to my world. Not all of them are bright, but each completes the others. :)

Summer Movie Review

Angels & Demons

I just saw it.
Hm. Disappointing, actually. I expect Angels & Demons to be somewhat of a better, more magnificent movie than the previous one, The Da Vinci Code--at least an equal, since I know the book is so much better than Da Vinci Code. But no. Yes sure, as a movie it's really good. It can play with our emotions. The visualization of the symbology, the landscapic setting (The Vatican City, Rome and the churches), they're actually quite good. Even though in the end there's a weird twist at the symbology section. The scoring, man, I don't know, I just love it. It's like I finally get to see what I've imagined when I had read the book, and it's good.

BUT.

They erased some of the key characters, which I think ruined the mood of the film.
They ripped off a key event, which I think is one of the most exciting one.
They. Changed. The. Plot.
The main ingredient as to why this story even exist.

Hey, I know adaptation movies are always like this (except LOTR, which I find better than the books). It happened with most of the Harry Potter films--especially the current ones, Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 (I think it's waaaay across the line to cram 3 great books into one movie), and of course so many more (I suddenly blanked when I tried to think of big adaptation movies). The Da Vinci Code film, I can tolerate because it's still as exciting as the book and the removal of certain elements are not necessarily disturbing.

Pffthh.
Well, for a movie I give Angels & Demons 4 out of 5.
For an adaptation--and because I'm such a big fan of Dan Brown's novels, 2.

Be happy those who haven't read Angels & Demons.

Here Comes UAS

Setelah hampir 2 minggu gue absen dari dunia pergosipan (baca: Facebook), akhirnya gue kembali. FB canggih ya sekarang? Chatnya udah bisa diatur appear offline to some, trs notificationnya to the point skrg, bukan muncul merah2 di pojokan lg. hihihi. Norak deh gue. Hm. It's not gonna be a long visit, I'm just checking on some things. Lalu gue akan absen lagi karenaaa jengjeeng! UAS akan menyita perhatian gue. Apalagi dengan banyaknya tugas, gue rasa nggak akan selesai kalo gue fesbukan mulu. AYO 3,9! Hahahahaha.

PS : hari ini mau nonton Angels & Demons, setelah kemarin gagal total gara-gara penuh di mana-mana. Imagine me sprinted from Pejaten Village to Citos wearing 7 cm wedge shoes (or was it 9?) just to find out that everything's full booked. Well, I didn't actually sprint, but it's not an exaggeration, it felt like I did.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

--The Beatles (duh!)

Eyes of The Beauty

I watched Oprah today, it's about beauty and how people from different countries and cultures perceive it. The show featured countries like India, Brazil, Indonesia (yay!), Mauritania, Japan, and Iran. It got me thinking about the concept of beauty itself. All these years there are always two sides of arguments about beauty, one who says that beauty is what you can see, touch, smell; the other says beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I'm still deciding what my stance is.
Yeah, I know beauty is beyond looks, beyond fashion. But I'm not gonna deny the fact that I'd like to dress up and put on make up once in a while to look good. I love fashion, don't get me wrong, and I love it edgy.

The thing is, I learned not to perceive beauty only by looking at the exterior of a person, the hard way. Isn't it ironic, the person you don't even know, whom you think you'll never harm, who looks prettier than you--nobler, even, is the person who in the end hurts you the most? You know, the miss goody-two-shoes who's actually hiding a pointy tail and horns?

I think, when you truly wanna be beautiful, you'd have to live up to what you're gonna wear. For example, if you wanna wear something graceful, then be graceful. Otherwise you'll just gonna look desperate. If you want people to see you're a good person then be one. Smile more, do good deeds instead of just fool around with somebody else's boyfriend and claiming you care about them.
I believe, unconsciously, we all understand this. It's those comments I often hear from my friends :
"Ih padahal celananya bagus, sayangnya dia yang pake!"
"Cewek cantik biasanya brengsek."
Ha.
These comments happen for a reason, you know. We're perceiving beauty in a wrong way. I think, before you dress all beautiful and fancy, mend your personality first.

That way, you won't need much else to look.. truly beautiful.

In Repair

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right

Oh, it's taking so long, I could be wrong I could be ready
But if I take my heart's advice,
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am. In repair.

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait on the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And bring some brand new lucks upon me

Oh, it's taking so long, I could be wrong I could be ready
But if I take my heart's advice,
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am. In repair.

And now I'm walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again,
it will be good to say you know me...

--John Mayer, In Repair.

Thu, 22.45

Is it my fault when I blurted out what I feel, to you?
I just don't want things to change.
When all the while change is the only way to go.

I'm trying to keep things in track, like you've asked me to.
I've left my emotion at bay, like you've asked me to.
I've been relatively honest when I feel something, like you've asked me to.

It has left me being pretentious.

I Wrote It in Bed With My Eyes Half Closing.

My eyes aching
I whine all the time.
Maybe I'm just worn out.

Have you ever think that?

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you cos I find hard to take.
When people run in circles is a very, very mad world.
--Mad World, Tears for Fears

Bubbly.

So. I skipped a class today.
Here's what I did : made soap bubble. ha!

Hahaa.

I made the bubbles out of soap, and salt. I know, weird. According to http://www.wikihow.com/Make--Bubble-Solution, I should've used sugar instead of salt. Go figure. Hahaha.

Yet another productive afternoon.


Hm. I saw a rainbow this morning. Quite beautiful, I haven't seen rainbows in ages. Hm, that colorful optical illusion forming an arch above us. Pfth. Why does it always seem so faulty to me?

...

Has anyone ever been so gloomy you don't know what to write? Blagh

Moanday.

Hari Senin lagi. Hoekk.
Hmm. Actually, hari Senin ini nggak terlalu menyebalkan kok.

Tadi pagi pas gue jalan ke depan buat nunggu bis, gue melihat sekumpulan anak-anak lagi main ayunan di taman kecil deket rumah gue. Mereka nyanyi-nyanyi kompak banget. Seneng deh ngeliatnya. Eits, tapi tunggu dulu. Kok lagunya familiar ya.. hm. Astaga. Lagunya ST12 yang "kamu-kamu-kamu" (hayahh lupa judulnya apa). Dan mereka pun hapal seperti dulu gue hapal lagu Bintang Kecil dan A Whole New World. Oh, man.

Grok grookk. Nyampe kampus bertemu Resti sedang membahas tugas review skripsi. Yawn. Ternyata kelas Mencari dan Menulis Berita gue menyenangkan sekali. Bang Masmimar Mangiang (dulu gue pernah manggil dia Mas Mimar lalu gue sadar bahwa itu sama aja memanggil nama depannya dengan sangat tak sopan) udah nyiapin sebuah video perjalanan kelas gue. Isinya footage-footage gue dan teman-teman gue lagi sibuk ngerjain the-never-ending-tasks di kelas. Tampangnya ada yang cengo, ada yang sibuk usrek-usrek kepala, ada yang sok-sok nggak sadar diliput kamera, bahkan ada yang kelihatannya lagi mikir tapi ternyata membenamkan kepalanya di tangan. Tidur.
Ahh so sweet. Ternyata si abang merasa punya koneksi sama kita. Hm. Jadi sedih mikirin ini hari terakhir gue diajar dia.

Pas pulang, something unexpected but not surprising happened : ban belakang motor si pacar bocor lagi. Ngookk. Jadilah gue ujan-ujanan nyari tukang tambel ban. Yah, gapapa sih, gue menganut kepercayaan apa pun yang terjadi kalo sama pacar pasti menyenangkan. Yap, even berjalan dari seberang FPsi sampe Pocin di tengah hujan dengan sendal terendam becek dan celana corduroy yang ujungnya terlalu kecil sehingga nggak bisa digulung. Kayaknya gue kualat karena nggak nganterin Resti ke PAU.

Sambil nunggu ban motor dibenerin gue makan di Pocin. Tiba-tiba ada seorang cowok, kira-kira seumuran gue atau mungkin sedikit lebih muda berdiri di sebelah meja gue. Ngejogrog aja gitu. Gue kira dia ngapain di situ, akhirnya dicoba aja dikasih duit sama si pacar ehh mau doi! Aduh ternyata pengemis. Hm. Agak menggelitik sebenernya. Dia masih muda, badannya nggak kenapa-kenapa, tampangnya sehat, kenapa nggak kerja aja sih? Jadi tukang tambal ban kek!

Hmm.
Senin, Senin.
Capek sebenernya gue mikirin hari. Kuliah lagi, tugas lagi. Ah monoton. Pikiran gue dari tadi masih melayang ke anak-anak penggemar ST12 yang nyanyi-nyanyi tadi pagi. Terlalu cepat dewasa sepertinya mereka. Jangan ahh.
Susah jadi orang dewasa.

PS : udah hampir seminggu gue nggak buka Facebook! yay! Dan gue baru aja nyelupin kentang goreng ke air putih (niatnya mau dicocol sambel tapi salah alamat).

Nightly Weekend.

Kemarin... paman datang.
Ehh nggak. Kemarin gue kejebak macet di Halim. Panjaaaaang banget. Gara-gara banjir yang lumayan tinggi, untung kemaren pake Escape ijo nyokap yang gagah berani. Yang menarik sebenarnya adalah pembicaraan gue dan nyokap gue.

Nyokap : "Itu gedung apa sih?"
(kita lagi ada di depan gedung Perumnas, tau kan? Ya di situlah pokoknya. Sebelahnya kan ada gedung juga, nyokap gue nunjuk ke gedung itu).
Gue : (abis baca plang di depannya) "Itu Perguruan Tinggi Teknologi."
Nyokap : "Hah? Emang iya?"
Gue : "Iyaaa itu ada tandanya."
Nyokap : "Yaampun kampusnya jelek amat. Kayak WC umum."

Yah, kalo gue sih agak tertohok aja misalnya kampus gue yang dibilang kayak WC umum (dan agak intrigued kalo ngeliat ada WC umum segede kampus. Kebayang baunya).


Satu hal yang gue benci : fogging.
They fogged my house this morning and it was all... well, foggy. I hate the eerie smell. It smelt.. poisonous. ("Lagi mabok ya? Kamu nyamuk dong!", kata si pacar). Weekend ini memang lucu dan cukup jauh dari harapan. Ahh, well. Like I said, one can't have too many.

Tapii... gue kemaren mampir ke Times Bookstore yang ada di Kemang Village dan berhasil menemukan (jengjeeeeng)...

The Night World vol.2 by L.J Smith
(yang udah gue cari-cari sejak jaman SMP)

Wahahaa. I'm HAPPY. I've been looking all over town for this series. Every imported-book store! And there was only ONE in here! HOAAA!
This volume contains three titles : Dark Angel, The Chosen and Soulmate. I've read two of them, actually (The Chosen and Soulmate). But I love "Soulmate" so much I don't mind buying it in a bundle. Twilight? Lewat! Hahaha.

Somehow, I never seem to like Twilight series. They're too... commercialized. Ha. I think the movie is even worse. It actually ruins the illusion of the night world. Pfftth. I guess I don't have that connection with Stephanie Meyer. I love L.J Smith and Anne Rice too much.

Have you ever wonder why the best of vampire novels are written by women?

The Witch's Song.

It's the sensation of being left out. Not by anyone, but by that place where I truly belong. It's excruciating. Knowing that this isn't where I'm supposed to be. I don't ask to be something more, I ask to be something different. Something... otherworldly.

I want to live in the dark, if that what suits me.
I'd cast spells or grow fangs if I have to.
I want to wish I were special, and be shown that I really am.
Otherwise I think I'm done being hopeful.

All the disappointments I can't bear.
All the thoughts that I'm just ordinary.

Doesn't it kill, when you know you're just stuck here?
That you're doing the things they say you should do when you know it's not what you're supposed to?

All the witches, the vampires and night creatures.
All the intensity, the adventure and the sensation.
Sometimes I wish I live in this world people created, to realize that they're actually real.

I don't ask to be something more.
I ask to be someone different.

HOAAAAAAAA!!

Weekend is here! Hoaa! Yeaaah!

Oh God, I think it has been a very long week! And it may be longer yet next week! I'm just so glad it's Friday again so tomorrow I can oversleep as long as I want. TGI Friday.

Tugas masih menumpuk. One after another. Crap. Tapi gue mau bersyukur aja untuk minggu ini. Paling nggak, gue dapet beberapa GREAT news. No, I'm not gonna tell you what they are. I don't wanna jinx it.
Alhamdulillah.

It has been a roller coaster ride. More intense than ever. I feel like I'm exhausted, inside and out. Maybe it's the reason I haven't get a good sleep in two weeks (!). Hoaaaa! Mau teriak-teriak rasanya. Haha. I'm too happy, I don't care if I'm writing this post in two languages. Bodo amat! Gue bahagia!

Ternyata nggak susah kok bikin gue bahagia. It just takes a fulfilling week, a long chat with old time best friend, and my precious, precious bed and I'm content. Besok mau ke Benhil, liat-liat kamera (and hopefully purchase one). Abis itu macaaarrrrrr. Ahh kangen kamu pacar!

Ayo ayo UAS. Cepatlah kau datang dan pergi.
Percaya nggak, bahkan suatu hari karena begitu senangnya gue membayangkan liburan nanti gue sampai berteriak "Halellujah!" grok. Nggak, gue nggak murtad. Itu keceplosan. Sumpah. Besok shalat deh (I'm still having my period right now).

Hmm.
Yeah, I think it's true, that you shouldn't look too far for happiness. Sure you can get gay-ly happy when something big comes to your life. When you're at your wedding, or you get a promotion, or when you're sitting in a beach all by yourself just watching the sun sets.
But also, you can get content just by :
Reading a text message in your cellphone from your spouse claiming that he/she loves you.
Finding that 5000 Rupiahs in your pocket you didn't know you had.
Being able to mingle with your family after a very busy week.
Waking up so early in the morning just to realize that you still have an hour or two to sleep.
And so much more. Those little things that make you realize you're alive. The things that make you feel you belong somewhere, or with someone. Those little things that, for even a second or two, make you smile.

I'm happy.

"Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for." -- Bailey, in Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants.

Accidental Babies

Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love

Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?

What about me?

Tidur

Tidur itu menyenangkan.
Tidur itu buta,
Tidur itu mati rasa.

Bukan perwujudan malas.
Seperti esensinya,
Tidur itu istirahat.
Istirahat dari semua,
mematikan seluruh sistem logika dan menghapus segenap isi hati.

Untuk sesaat, aku tidak merasa.
Untuk sesaat, mimpiku jadi nyata.
Untuk sesaat, aku adalah aku.

Dan aku tak butuh bunga-bungamu
Aku tak butuh kau bawa pergi ke negeri orang

Aku hanya butuh tidur.


*antara sebuah metafora, atau justifikasi kegemaran tidur gue.

Musical Muse

So.
Haha.

It's been years since I played a piano. Let's see... probably the last time I played it when I was in 4th grade. Hahahahaha. Today, with the help of my lovely musical muse (my bf) and a tutorial video from YouTube, I learned how to play "Accidental Babies" by Damien Rice. What a productive afternoon, I must say.
Here is a part of what I have learned :

Accidental Babies cover.amr - moi!

What a mess, huh? Hmm. My dad's a musician, he has an entire studio filled with music instruments. Guitars, drums, keyboards, couple of mixers, lots of amplifiers, and stuff I don't understand about. I should be a musician too, you know.
I wish I were.

Diet

Once in a while, it might be healthy to lay off the things that are bad for me. So, in essence, I think I'm gonna lay off Facebook for a while.

The Scientist

"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard."

Morning Sickness

My brain's shooting up
Chaotic messages enter and ruin
What is it do you want me to say?
I've opened all my heart to hear
and I'm not asking to be heard.

I have all my life to distract me
Yet it's not enough to blast my pain into space

No, I never ask to be heard.
But I could use a few buckets to cry.

Lesson Learned

I guess one can't get too many, can one?

Saturday Night Mood Swings

20.37
Bored. Typing. Blah. Saturday nights are overrated.

20.42
Does anyone ever got tired of asking too much? I do. I think I had too much expectations on things that I became easily disappointed. Then I've got too much disappointment, it's easy to make myself numb.

20.46
Thanks you've been fuel for thought, now I'm more lonely than before but that's ok. I've just read and made another stupid love song. -Amiel

21.07
Tried to access getjar.com but didn't succeed. My mom wants to download ebuddy for her new cellphone : Nokia E75. Hmm. What is it about Nokia that I don't like? I don't know, their cellphones never get me really excited. Unlike my current one, Sony Ericsson s500i that had me going for weeks before I finally have it. Now I'm passionate about Xperia. ha!

21.23
Browsed through series of print ads in DeviantArt. Phew, these people are amazing! Mine was N-O-T-H-I-N-G compared to theirs.

random favourites
(click for details)

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna be good enough to make money from graphic designing. After all, I never really get the proper course for it. Ah, what am I gonna do with my life????

22.00
Chatting with one of my best friends about men. Found out that men are all evil. And so are women. Ah well, to quote Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice : "Nobody wants to live with a saint! Saints are boring!"

22.07
Realized that I haven't been truly happy in a while.

22.38
Realized how different is my life today than it was a few years back.

22.54
Having a chat with one of my classmates about conspiracy theories. Sick topic to be talking about, I know. Whatever. I think there's too much we don't know about, it's not fair to be pointing fingers. Having been learning the works of media for the past two years, I know for sure not to trust it.

When you trust the television
What you get is what you got
'Cause when they own the information
Oh, they can bend it all they want.
-John Mayer

23.28
Getting a bit sleepy. My head's starting to act up. The conversation's beginning to drift off to something less serious and eventually misleading.

23.55
Really considering to hit the bed.

00.04
It's no longer Saturday night. I'm signing off.

Different Kind of Magic

Sometimes I'd like to imagine myself living during the era of king and queens. Where people still believe in sorcery. Nowadays, they believe in WiFi and Blackberrys.

Cermin

Don't make me feel bad for having done the things you're still doing.

Eyang.

Like every Saturday, my grandma dropped by this morning to write things on my notebook. Remember my grandma?

Yep that's her.

Over the years, I think my relationship with my grandma is the most fulfilling relationship I have with someone, in terms of me as an observer of life. I've watched my life and hers, developing from time to time.
I remember when I was in second grade, I was living in a rented house because mine was being renovated. That way my grandma had to go back and forth to visit me. She visited every other weekend. During that period of time, we had the worst relationship. I hated her guts. She nagged me about stupid little things all the time. About table manners, about my homework, the way I sleep, the way I talk. Yada yada yada. As a revenge, sometimes I break her things "unintentionally". And believe it or not, I even stole money from her. Not really to make her drop poor, but just to make a point. I never use the money I stole anyway. I sure saw that everytime she spent the weekend in our rented house, she was miserable yet she always managed to come back every so often. Until that day, when she caught me groping inside her purse. She sat me down and talked very softly :
"If you want to buy something you should just ask me, you know. I'll even take you to the place they sell it."
And just that. She didn't judge me, she didn't tell my parents about it, and after I told her the reason I did it she's stopped nagging me around. Our relationship turned upside down. I began to respect her, vice versa. The remaining weekend visits became more bearable.

In junior high, my passion to learn foreign language is in its highest place. I asked her to teach me, since she knew how to speak in, like, 6 six languages (Bahasa, Javanese, Francais, Deutsch, Dutch, English). She gratefully did so. Until I ruined it. I missed one or two sessions, then it grows to three, five, ten and finally I decided to stop the course. At the moment I didn't think I was doing anything to her. After all, she claimed she was ok with it.

Growing up, I became more and more observant of things around me. And the life of my grandmother turned out to be the most interesting subject for my observation. What I found out, age, the older you get, the simpler the things you want. Now you want a happy life, you want to pursue your dreams, a great husband (or wife, for that matter), save money for your future. When you're 90, all you want is a piece of "mendoan". Or to ride "kancil", or some medicine to ease your arthritis.

But Eyang, my. She still wants to learn how to type with my macbook, copying articles from The Jakarta Post she finds interesting. She still talks about Barrack Obama and truly understands the politics. She watches Friends. She's watched Kung Fu Panda, The Da Vinci Code and Golden Compass. Stepping into her bedroom, is like stepping into her heart. She's so proud of her children she put their photos everywhere on her wall. She has a photo album of her 90th birthday in which she insisted to have a photo of all of her grandchildren together. And there hung, a portrait of herself when she was 20 and I can say, she's still that vibrant, beautiful superwoman she was then. Sometimes I walked in on her, she was just lying on her back, silently gazing to the ceiling, exhaustion in her eyes. And my mind always wanders back to my second grade and my junior high school.

It's sad. She still has so many things to say, but so few of us would really listen. I just feel it must be lonely to be someone that old when everybody else is moving on but her pace is really slowing down. Her heart still have some room to understand the way things work beyond her time, but her body seems to be betraying her. I wish my body could contain such spirit--her spirit--someday, and carry on living hundreds of years, take her to see the world change.

Someday, I want the world to know about Eyang's life, everything she wants to share to our generation, and how she has touched my life.