Just like every other day, I watch my brother get scolded for being an ignorant kid. At first, I thought that him being ignorant is just a phase, you know most junior high school kids are that way. They play, until they got tired and then they eat, and they play some more. But then again, I looked back and saw myself in those days. I wouldn't say I was a prodigy, but at least I had something that had kept me motivated.
My parents' pride.
Education in my family is not just a necessity. It's something we have to be proud about, it's something we have to be passionate about. Both my parents took education very, very seriously. You know, as in "be a go getter instead of a just along-goer", "find scolarships as early as you can", "go abroad for college", "extend your knowledge every way possible". I never thought their demands can affect me in such a way, but they did. Not every plan they made for me worked out (going abroad? not really what I want at this stage), but they made me work out my own plan the best way I could.
They didn't tell me what to do, they showed me. My dad has a bachelor's degree, my mom has a master's degree, both in psychology and both from the most prestigious university in the nation (in their time, that is), UI. I don't mean to brag, I'm just trying to elaborate what impact these titles have for me.
I remember, at ninth grade I was eager to get into the A-listed high schools. I prepared for my exams, I compete with my friends, I mean, I created as much motivation as I need to keep me going. In the end, my GPA wasn't good enough for me to go to the school I wanted, but I remember being terrified when my name was moving down the list to the 3rd school I picked, something a little low on the rank. I prayed so hard so it won't happen. It didn't happen.
Last year of high school, I had the same fear for my college. I worked sooo hard to get the proper SPMB score to get into the same university my parents went to. I was scared to death that I wasn't good enough, that I was about to disappoint them. I cried several times. They never pressured me, they were keeping the options wide open for other universities. But somehow, I want The University, thus the pressure then came from myself. You know it's so much harder to break a promise to yourself than to somebody else. I remember crying for the last time when finally I passed the test and got exactly what I wanted. And I thought, "man, my parents are gonna be proud". There's that. I mean, believe it or not, their way of studying has been a motivation to my way of studying. What I don't understand is, my brother doesn't seem to share the same ideology. He doesn't seem to grasp the idea of AT LEAST making my parents dreams come true. It's just like, he doesn't know how they would be very proud of him when he achieve things, when he work out his plans. Hell, when he gets his ass up and stop playing PlayStation ALL THE TIME.
I just want him to see that our parents are trying to guide him so he won't lose his path. He just sees it as a.. burden. As something annoying. He just wants to get things done WHEN it's supposed to be done just for the sake of doing it. Something like, "ok so let's get this done quickly so I can get back to my seat and play". I saw desperation on my mother's face when she talked to him a moment ago. And the truth is, I'm a bit mad at him for doing that to my mom.