Things I'll Never Say

"I have a boyfriend, all you have is an affair. Ha!"

BLAH

sometimes I plug my ears and play my iPod so loud I can't hear my own thoughts.

LeH kENaL?

Hahaha.
Bagi orang-orang yang sudah cukup mengenal gw tentu mengerti apa yang akan gw tulis di sini hanya berdasarkan judulnya. Ya, kaum itu.

Sebelumnya gw ingin meminta maaf jika ada orang yang membaca tulisan gw ini dan merasa tersinggung. Sungguh, it's nothing personal. Cukup lama sebenarnya gw kepingin bikin tulisan ini, mempertimbangkan dampaknya nanti kalau sudah "terbit". Karena topik ini sebenarnya bisa sama sensitifnya dengan topik yang berkaitan dengan SARA. Hopefully, I've found the right approach to it.

First, imagine : kalian nonton.. let's say Friends. Suatu hari Joey bertemu dengan seorang cewek hot dan menyenangkan di Central Perk. Withouth hesitation Tribbiani mendekat dan mengumandangkan pick up line andalannya : "hey, how you doin'?". Si cewek kemudian tersenyum and bam! just like that mereka kenalan. Cewek ini nggak merasa tersinggung, atau males, atau mengeluarkan komentar-komentar ketus (baca : nyelekit) atau pergi begitu aja. Dan kita yang menonton pun nggak mengernyit. Intinya itu normal buat mereka dan kita. People meet someone new everywhere.
Atauuu. Udah nonton You've Got Mail? Yep, complete stranger met through the server and became good friends (they even hit it off at the end of the movie). Yaya, gw tau ini rekayasa. Tapi toh kita nggak pernah menganggap perkenalan mereka itu weird and awkward or even gross. It was normal. They use the network to its full potential. Networking.

Lalu bayangkan kalau itu terjadi di sini. Boro-boro kenalan lewat FB atw Fs, ketemu di mall yang notabene nya udah bisa ngeliat the whole package aja kita masih males. Dapet sms yang isinya : "hAy, LeH kNal?" kayaknya nistaaaa banget sampe bisa bikin kita ngomel-ngomel seharian. Coba kalo Jonathan Rhys Myers yang sms dengan kalimat "hEy cAn I gEt tO knOw yOu?" what will you do?

Personally gw juga nggak suka metode kenalan ini. Lebih sering mengganggu daripada menyenangkan. Menurut gw handphone, e-mail, dan account Fb gw adalah barang pribadi gw. People have to earn the access. Either they're my family, good friends, a friend of a friend, my seniors, my juniors, people I met during some events, and so on. I have to meet them personally first. I tend to communicate with people outside this category on a professional basis. Jadi kalo ada orang yang tanpa ba-bi-bu langsung ngeadd gw dan gw nggak kenal, maaf aja harus gw ignore. Sama halnya dengan orang-orang yang entah dari mana dapet nomor hp gw ngsms gw dengan tulisan yang amat sangat susah dicerna ngajak gw kenalan. Mending kalo kenalan trus beneran jadi good friends. Ini baru juga dua hari kenal udah coba-coba ngomong aku-kamu, nanya-nanya udah makan atau belum. Please deh, bukan urusan lo banget. Udah gitu kalau smsnya nggak dibales suka miskol-miskol!

Haha. Udah lama sih gw nggak mengalami yang beginian, karena nomor hp gw sempet ganti, tapi beberapa teman dan bahkan pacar gw masih beberapa kali mengalami hal ini. Gw nggak sepenuhnya menyalahkan orang-orang ini sih, after all "leh kenal?" itu kan semacam istilah lain dari "how you doin?". Kenapa sih begitu sampai di telinga kita kedengerannya beda banget? Dan kenapa gaya kenalan yang kayak gini merajalela banget? Friendster seakan tenggelam di tengah-tengah tumpukan "leh kenal". Facebook pun sepertinya mulai terjalar.

Karena gw pengen tulisan ini sifatnya netral (or maybe not so), mari kita renungkan kembali :
1. Bagi kita orang yang nggak suka sama gaya kenalan seperti ini coba deh buka mata. Kalau mau menolak lebih halus sedikit karena toh mereka juga manusia yang bisa sakit hati.
2. Bagi orang-orang yang menerapkan metode ini, tolong deh dijaga sedikit mannernya. Orang-orang tuh pada intinya nggak suka lohh sama gaya SKSD. It's one thing to be friendly, it's a whole other thing to be intrusive.

So there's that. Apa yang ingin gw sampaikan tanpa harus ngomel-ngomel. Haha.

PS: Gw tetep akan meng-ignore orang-orang yang ngeadd gw tanpa ada hubungan apapun. If I wanna make friends, I'll meet them in person.

That Kind of Dream

I had yet another strange dream. I woke up startled, again. Not by the calamity of it, but rather by a morning phone call.
So, the entire cast of Friends were there and I was Rachel (ha!). It was around the time in the series where Rachel and Ross had just broke up, Ross was unexpectedly moving on and Rachel couldn't deal with it. We were messing around in some hotel room or a cabin with a connecting door to the next room. Somehow, we were hiding from something and next thing I knew I was in bed with Ross... and this other girl. Apparently he called out "honey" (or at least something that sounded like it), and I responded. Turned out he wasn't calling me but that other girl (let's call her Ms. X). So I ended up lying awkwardly there with Ross and Ms. X fooling around (euw). I eventually got up, and guess who I looked for first.

Joey.

Strange, but when I heard my own voice in the dream, man.. I sounded devastated.
"Where's Joey?"
And that big guy showed up and held me so strong I could really feel the warmth of his body wrapped around me. It felt... otherworldly. And amazingly soothing.

At first, I didn't really want to interpret it. It was too good and I won't spoil it by putting some essence of reality to it. But something tells me I could really relate. Maybe.. at the end of the day, what a Rachel really needs is a Joey. Someone that people see would be wrong enough to have commitment with, yet could actually fall in love with the right person.

Not that I wanna level myself with someone like Rachel, but...
..I think I have a Joey.

Me and Myself.

I think at some point, everybody develops a split personality.
One is who they trust to come out and see people, one who they trust to remind them of who they really are. Mine have been fighting much more often lately, each is exhausted.

Misery Business

I love bragging. It's my guilty pleasure



but sometimes, I know I'm not being arrogant, I'm just being realistic. sorry ;)

Ms. Cristina Yang

Cristina : *sobs* hi, Yang.
Yang : what's with the face? You're not gonna whine to me, are you?
Cristina : Yang, I have a heart.
Yang : Well, I do too, it's the size of my fist, located in my left chest and it's beating.
Cristina : I don't know where my heart's located. Because when it's hurt, it aches everywhere.
Yang : believe me, it's the size of your fist, located in your left chest and hopefully it is beating otherwise I'd be talking to a zombie.
Cristina : why are you so insensitive?
Yang : why are you such a whiny little baby?
Cristina : in case you didn't know, I'm giving you ability to feel.
Yang : well in case you didn't know, I've been trying to be strong for both of us!
Cristina : a job which lately you haven't been so good at!


Cristina : oh, Yang. What are we getting ourselves into?
Yang : ... Life.

Science of Sleep

I realized I've talked about mornings several times before. I wonder why.

Today I woke up with the strangest feeling. I know I dreamed about him, but I can't put my finger on it. What was it? Was he holding me in my dream? Was I holding him? Was there a fight? Hm. No, I don't think there was a fight. It's like a feel-good dream, the kind when you wake up you would try hard to remember but never really get there.

Hm. Are dreams supposed to come true? For so many years I've stopped believing that dreams could be telling the future or something. For me, dreams are our interpretations of how things should be or will be. They're your inner voices, that come to life when all of your other senses are asleep. Maybe dreams are where your conscience lies. Where that tiny little rush you call intuition takes control. The voices you should be listening to.

I don't know, I've been feeling freakish lately. I've woken up startled several time this week and I never seem to get a good sleep even though I've slept for, like, 8 hours a day.

What is this feeling?

note : I've been admiring this helmet he bought me yesterday. With Marv on it. ;)

Re : Festival Sinema Perancis

So, tertarik dengan postingan Nyanya, gw akhirnya membuka site Festival Sinema Perancis. I'm so interested. I've been wanting to go to a film festival for so long, but Jiffest always clashes with my final exams. Damn. Every year!
Menyenangkan sekali ketika gw tau ada festival sinema yang nggak bentrok sama ujian apapun. Haha. FYI, sebelumnya gw nggak pernah tau jadwal festival-festival sinema selain Jiffest. Sering dapet program booknya CCF, tapi entah kenapa acara-acaranya selalu kelewatan begitu aja. Mudah-mudahan yang ini nggak.

Movies I plan to watch :

Rather light selections, I know. I'm just not in the mood to watch some thriller or complicated action movies in French right now. I think it'll be a fresh turn of movie-types and I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully the plan work out well.

For more info : http://www.sinema-perancis.com

Always a Sunday

Sundays are the loneliest and most boring day of all. Don't you agree? I don't know, I wish I can explain it, but it's just the way it is. I've spent most of my Sundays just slobbering around in front of the tv, watching things I don't really wanna watch with my mind wondering if I have an undone task for tomorrow. Usually, on Sundays you would be too lazy to get up yet too bored to just sit around.
I hate Sundays.

Feline Chores

Like a counterpart, today I waited in one of the best waiting rooms : the animal hospital waiting room.

I was taking my pets (my 2 youngest cats) to the doctor to get a vaccine. Like any other hospitals, it had a waiting room. But UNLIKE any other hospitals, the waiting room was so much fun. On my way to the seats, I was startled by a barking. It came from a puppy inside a box. A black one. I'm not an expert on canine breeding so I can't determined the race of this little one. I walked up to it and started baby-talking to it. Turned out it belonged to a group of kids playing around the box. Their mom was by the cashier.
I took a seat and not long after, those kids were surrounding my pet box. Just like I did with their puppy. After they went home, a new visitor caught my attention : a very large Iguana. It was big, I mean.. huge. Its tail was longer than the overall length of my cat's body and it was all spikey. It was like an oversized lizard, or a gecko who was exposed to a nuclear radiation or something. Many times I came to the hospital, today was the first I saw something like that. The best I had ran into before this iguana was a little Siberian Husky, a while back.
A little while after the iguana, a girl came holding a tiny cage. I suspected it was a hamster. Oh, I was like sitting in the middle of a petting zoo!

What interested me was, how the people there were so nice to each other. They were very friendly, they answered my every question with delight. The doctors never look scary, they were always smiling and there was a certain spark in their eyes. I think I can live there and be happy forever. My father had a theory : maybe when human beings had learned to care for other creatures, they automatically learned how to care for their own kind.

On my way out in the parking lot after I had my cats vaccinated, a middle-aged lady looked up to me and said "Are they okay? Are they cured?"
"Of course, they were just getting some injections."
I noticed the lady was playing with her female dog. Apparently the dog had just recovered from a serviks surgery. She had that cone around her neck, you know, the one that looks like a... satellite transmitter?
"I hope them well!" said the lady, smiling the widest.
"Thank you, and to you too!"

I think it's a very healthy environment. Maybe, just maybe, if everybody adopt a pet for their own, life would be just a little bit... brighter. :)

Choco(left) and Ewok, the youngest of the family

Dapet Salam dari Postpone

Do you know that the dentist's waiting room is the most boring room of all? It is.
Here's the list of things you usually do :

1. You sit, watch people come and go (most of them looking dreadful)
2. You get a bit bored, so you watch the tv. But hey, it shows an infotainment program you really hate. So you began to stare without paying much attention to it.
3. Then you start hearing the noises from inside the dentist's office. Buzzes, shrieks, you know, noises that would make you wonder how the people inside are holding up. Your mind wander, you reminisce the bad experiences you had while you got your teeth examined.
4. You want to distract yourself by listening to your ipod, but then you realize if you do you won't be able to hear the nurses when they call your name.
5. You try to access the web through your cellphone, but damn the connection's so overwhelmingly slow.
6. You want to get something to eat, but you think it's not gonna be pleasant when the doctor ask you to open your mouth and he/she smells the strong scent of garlic or something.

So there I was, literally had nothing to do. My jaw was aching after too much yawning and I hadn't even got in. Hmm. Two months since my last visit. All I keep hearing in mind is Resti's words : "Dapet salam dari postpone!"


cheers

cryptic melody.

hmmm have anyone felt so.. i don't know, depressed, that you wanna chew your head off? it's like one cryptic melody after another, i can hear them but i can't understand what they mean.

i can feel, yet i don't know what to do with what i feel.

ah. freakish.