those awful words..

Too many things I tried to post lately that none of them actually get posted. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have so many things to say but no one would listen. I have wisdom to share, I have questions I want answered, but no one is there.
What is it about my words? Are they too insignificant? Don't I play a role in somebody's life? An irreplaceable spot that someone would miss once it's gone?
Or am I just a line in everybody's book, just bound to be read and then forgotten once the next line appears?
I feel so small.
I miss you.
Too badly that it scars me.
I miss someone who would listen. Not those who cover their ears and pretend no one's talking. Why did you close your door for me? I'm still here. I don't plan on going anywhere.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
How many times do I have to chant until you come back up to the door and open it again?
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.

25 november 2008

aku tak lagi mengerti apa yang kurasa.
sakitkah? cemburukah?
atau hanya sekedar reaksi dari kata-kata?

tampar aku
agar tak sakit lagi jiwaku
agar terselubung yang ada di hati
segala emosi tertuang dan pergi takkan kembali

jangan takut,
aku tidak merasa apapun.

dan arti diamku bukan karena aku menangis
hanya sebuah penantian
sebuah jeda untuk sebuah harapan

hingga nanti, mungkin nanti
kamu akan percaya
aku hanya milikmu
dan untukmu
bukan untuk siapa-siapa


tanpa masa lalu

what a week

These past few days had been crappy. Tasks coming simultaneously, an overdue dentist appoinment, my mom's yearbook project, and everything else. Truth is, I feel alone. I'm not complaining, but I think a company would be nice.
Right now I'm sitting in class with the prof. rambling. Argh. I can't wait for this week to end so I can get away and be around the people I'm comfortable with.

Ps. I miss you. A lot.

paradigma tak tersentuh

hmmm
what?

yang kupunya hanya ideologi-ideologi tak terwujud.
hanya paradigma tak tersentuh
yang nanti akan terbang lalu hilang ditelan waktu
aku hanya punya warna-warna yang memandu
hanya ada hati dan jiwa yang membawa
cukup?

ha
tidak, cinta.
rasanya dunia butuh sesuatu yang lebih
sesuatu yang bisa dilihat, disentuh, terraba.
sebuah piala kemenangan
atau medali di atas api


atau mungkin sekedar sesuatu yang indah, yang tak habis dikikis masa



imagine:
what is it like to be living in a painting. dull and... imaginary.

...

aku sayang rangga.

have you ever taken anything for granted?

One of the natures of human being is disregarding what they have until they realized it's gone.

There's been zillions of proof backing up this theory. I don't need to mention them one by one. It's physically impossible. I just need to understand why do we bare such curse. I've been in this position from time to time, fortunately not so often. And now I'm trying to cherish what I have the best I could so that I don't regret anything in the future. What I wanna ask you is, have you ever be in this position and you try everything to get it back?

If your answer is yes,
1. would you disregard the fact that what you're trying to get back is already retrieved by another person?
2. if you would, wouldn't you like to know how is it feel to be that other person?
3. do you HONESTLY think you will succeed, acting the way you are?

I'm not trying to be the judge of it all because I'm no saint, I'm no wiseman. As you might already notice in my blog I often question things that bother me. So these are just a series of rhetorical questions. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, and if someone's offended by this, do forgive me. I don't mean any harm.


Imagine :
letting go is the easiest thing a human have in his nature.

Sunday morning, not so lovely.

gila memang, dari semalem gw g bs tidur gara-gara perut gw dengan asyiknya bergemuruh mengajak gw bolak-balik ke kamar mandi. cantik. Jam 1 gw bangun, setelah tersadar bahwa gw nggak akan bisa tidur lagi, gw nyalain tv. Ehh kebetulan ada The Notebook! Yaa gw tonton saja, masih dengan perut yang terasa dikocok-kocok, and the ongoing trips to the bathroom.

Lagi-lagi gw nangis nonton The Notebook. There's just something about this movie that caught me off guard. These past few days, I've been feeling that the person I love doesn't love me back. Now I realize, he DOES love me. As a matter of fact, very much indeed. And I feel bad for doubting him. Despite his flaws, and mine, I think we'll be okay. :)

soo. back to my sunday morning, gw baru menyelesaikan tugas Bahasa Indonesia Jurnalistik dengan rentang 1 jam sebelum deadline. Yeay! Haduuuuuuuhh some time today, gw mau tiduuur!

imagine :
punya pintu kemana saja jd aku bisa langsung ke rumah kmu skrg nemenin kmu blajar. :P

lukisan hujan

no, gw nggak pernah baca buku ini so gw nggak ngerti maksud dari lukisan hujan apa, nor do I want to play smart-ass and try to intepret it.

Ini hanya sebuah istilah--or rather, a phrase--yang melintas di kepala gw baru saja. Hujan di luar.



I don't know, everytime it's raining I always think of him. I loooove rainy days, and as matter of fact, I rarely have an umbrella with me. ;)
Not that I plan to get wet, but... rain is harmless. I don't mind getting a bit wet, or catch a cold afterwards.


The sensation I feel when it's raining is almost similar to facing him. Truth is, I feel a lot closer to everything when it's raining. It feels like every problems in the world are washed away by something pure and undisturbed. Every noises are immersed into a very soothing static. The weather is cold, but not biting. It's dark but not gloomy.
I always hate it when someone said "there's always rainbow after the rain" as if trying to say that a rainbow is better than rainfall. Hell, a rainbow is just an optical illusion, made by God as a reference for us to tell colors. Don't get me wrong, I love colors, but I'm not a true believer of rainbows.


imagine :
COLORFUL RAINDROPS!
watch the end of this commercial and you'll see what I mean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GURvHJNmGrc