7.50am
it's been a few days since my last post.
a very cold morning, a lonely one, gets me thinking about a lot of stuff, things i'm not supposed to think about.
do you think i'm wrecked? negative? unable to do anything useful, or meaningful to you? well, the truth is, i'm not a saint. i don't say this to justify the way i am, i know i don't have as high values for my education and my social life as i should. easy to say i'm doomed. i don't know how i get up, for now i'll just think this would all be different by the end of the year.
hell, why does anyone has to be a certain way at the same time? i could be the most negative person you've ever met on one day, and the greatest optimist on the other. i don't understand why people expect so much out of me, out of themselves? to motivate us to do great things? i'm not saying that i don't need it, i'm just saying that particularly today, i'm sick.
i'm sick of disappointing people.
i'm sick of wanting to do something more when it seems like i can't.
i'm sick of trying to live up to everybody's expectations and end up feeling like a piece of garbage when i failed.
so maybe i'll just take this opportunity to sit back for a while.
afterall, i just wanna live my life the best i could, and be granted for it.
ps. i feel like i don't have the power to lift you up, like certain people do. it's a bit sad.
imagine:
.................
my imagination's shut down
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
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4 comments:
we've been quite friends for years cal, since we were in elementary. I know we have so much things common.
but i don't know how come we could feel the same thing in the same time. And those feeling that you described, make me wont get out of bed in the morning to live my life. very suicidal.
all i want to say is, i know exactly the feeling.
:) well, i'm either glad or sad. glad to have someone out there feel what i feel, sad to know that u're feeling this awful thing.
hmm
misery DOES love company, don't u think?
yea, but at least you know that you're not alone. even it doesn't solve the problem. does it?
yepp. exactly. :)
hell, i don't even know what's the problem anymore.
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