Surgical.

It's a little past eleven and already the sun is searing hot. And I mean ho-oott! Second day of Syawal, I've been busied all morning with houseworks and Murakami. Yep, I finished the Murakami. What do I think of it? Hmm. Otherworldly, I guess. Reading his book is like exploring through a series of subconscious experiences, like being in one of my dreams where everything's distorted but you can see a lot of different things in there. Every emotion is projected a certain way. Like this dark corner of yourself you never thought you have but you always see when you're sleeping. When everything else is dark. That's how I feel about Murakami. One of my friends once mentioned about how he couldn't seem to enjoy Murakami's novel because he couldn't find closure in the end. Maybe that's what it is. It left you.. lingering. Like when you find yourself looking through the window to an open sky and just stay there for a couple of minutes without any thought whatsoever, as your eyes began to get unfocused and everything else around you blurred out. You thought you were waiting for something to appear, but you settled just by gazing absently.

Yes, it got me this emotional. I don't know. I think I need this kind of reading. Not just meaningless tweets or obligatory news stories. Makes me wanna write. :)

Today I might be doing my round of silaturahmi. Visiting relatives, driving around the empty streets of Jakarta. Maybe later I'll drop by to the nearest bookstore and go grab Dan Brown's new fiction. Hmm. Another conspiracy story. Nice. I can't wait to go on an adventure with Robert Langdon again.

I'm in a crossroad. I think I can feel myself building new walls, slowly but ever so sure. I feel the presence of Ms. Cristina and Ms. Yang again. They've been gone for a while, but now they're back. Arguing again. I hate them. I want them to go away.

Yang : But you need me, Cristina. You need me now more than ever.