Dum Dum Dum

Browsing through my older posts, I came to realize that they have become so much more selfish. Everything in them is all about me, a series of endless and bottomless complaints. In effect, I became more selfish. I hate this part of my life. The part where everything seems to be wrong, and what I do always end up hurting someone.
This is not me. I was vibrant, carefree, sweet in my own way (as people around me would say). I march to no one else's drums, and I loved it. What have I done to get to this point? Another mistake? The same one, perhaps?
I used to be selfless. I know it. But lately all I think about is me and how I don't get enough of what I want. Is this supposed to be like this? Because if it is, I wanna go. No, not run. Just maybe take a step back in intention of taking 2 steps forward.
Like this sweet little dance we do. Don't you think we should change the music now?

Anything I'm Not

I will never be, I will never be tall, no..
and I will never be, never ever be sure of it all
oh why's the world so cruel to me?
when all, all I ever wanna be was anything I'm not

give me a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
anything I'm not.

I will never be, I will never be you, no
I will always be, I will always be me, that I know
but oh, even though I'm happy being me
I want to get away from all this harsh reality

give me a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
anything I'm not

--Lenka

PS : it almost feels like she was feeling the exact same way I am. Then again, this is just a song.

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

How happy is blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted and each wish resign'd.
--Alexander Pope

Hatred

It's like an itch all over my body and I don't know where to scratch. Like a failed spell, all I've burned was my own energy.

Really exhausting and unfair.

Summer Movie Review Pt. IV (updated)

Garuda di Dadaku

Rapi. Meskipun masih ada dialog-dialog, atau kegiatan-kegiatan yang kelihatan nggak mungkin dilakukan sama orang-orang Indonesia jaman sekarang. But it's good. Gue rasa Indonesia lebih butuh film-film kayak gini daripada film remaja seksi-seksian atau film horor. Nggak perlu lah terlalu ambisius nyoba-nyoba bikin film dengan spesial efek yang luar biasa (yang ujung-ujungnya juga yaaa, kacang). Tumbuhin dulu nasionalisme-nya, kapitalisme belakangan.

For a movie, 3.5 out of 5.
For an Indonesian movie, 5.

PS. Haha. Ada Tegar sama Tinton dan beberapa anak FISIP lainnya gue liat dalam film ini. Cukup menghibur.

Summer Movie Review Pt. III

Transformers 2 : Revenge of The Fallen

Nice. Why not? Still has the great action, the outstanding special effect, and probably a good storyline. Despite what some people say, I don't really think it's disappointing. Well, maybe because I didn't really expect a lot when I got into the theater. Hmm.. But I think The Decepticons talked too much in this movie. You know, they should be dark, somewhat mysterious, yet now they talk like ordinary human-villains that are stupid.

During the final battle, my bf said something. "Loh ini Transformers atau Power Rangers?". Touche. I think that's the punchline of tonight's summer movie. Apart from that, I must say : woohoo!!

Definitely worth seeing.
4 stars out of 5

Oh. Sigh.

Oh, God. What is it about girls and sappy love stories?? Giving a girl a DVD or a book about romance is like opening Pandora's Box. They get touchy, whiny, needy and clingy right after they'd consumed it. The stories are good, too good for them to handle. Believe me, it's a big trouble for boyfriends and husbands out there. They will always want a better you, they want you to understand their need, they want you to be the knight in shining whatever who always comes at the right time at the right place, wherever or whenever that is.
You know, these stories are the secret wishes and dreams of the author, the ones that never really came true. So they put it in writing, or screenplay, and show to other girls so that they share the author's desperate dreams and wishes.
It sucks.
It sucks being one of those girls.
Because, hey, it's reality! We don't live in a good novel or a great movie. We face everyday life, where nothing ever come that close to perfection. Where there are always something missing, something leaving.
Oh, God, I'm so depressed it's freaky.
It sucks, it really does.