Dum Dum Dum

Browsing through my older posts, I came to realize that they have become so much more selfish. Everything in them is all about me, a series of endless and bottomless complaints. In effect, I became more selfish. I hate this part of my life. The part where everything seems to be wrong, and what I do always end up hurting someone.
This is not me. I was vibrant, carefree, sweet in my own way (as people around me would say). I march to no one else's drums, and I loved it. What have I done to get to this point? Another mistake? The same one, perhaps?
I used to be selfless. I know it. But lately all I think about is me and how I don't get enough of what I want. Is this supposed to be like this? Because if it is, I wanna go. No, not run. Just maybe take a step back in intention of taking 2 steps forward.
Like this sweet little dance we do. Don't you think we should change the music now?

Anything I'm Not

I will never be, I will never be tall, no..
and I will never be, never ever be sure of it all
oh why's the world so cruel to me?
when all, all I ever wanna be was anything I'm not

give me a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
anything I'm not.

I will never be, I will never be you, no
I will always be, I will always be me, that I know
but oh, even though I'm happy being me
I want to get away from all this harsh reality

give me a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
anything I'm not

--Lenka

PS : it almost feels like she was feeling the exact same way I am. Then again, this is just a song.

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

How happy is blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted and each wish resign'd.
--Alexander Pope

Hatred

It's like an itch all over my body and I don't know where to scratch. Like a failed spell, all I've burned was my own energy.

Really exhausting and unfair.